while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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