i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
