I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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