So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
