I am puke
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
