So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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