babies were throwing up all over the place
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
