I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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