The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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