he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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