there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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