And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
