If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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