They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
soo... how was my night?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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