i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
