i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
