we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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