i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found the puke drawer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
