Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
