So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
