I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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