Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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