happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
