Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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