Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
