you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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