apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
