how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
