i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
