just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize