did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
