She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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