You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize