dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
