Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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