That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
