I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
