That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
