Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
