well you can't waste a boner
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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