three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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