please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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