there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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