Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I deserve this hangover.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
