I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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