Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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