WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
