my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
