He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
