Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
