Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
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We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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