Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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