so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
