i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
