i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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