my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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