Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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