i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
