Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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