So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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