Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
So. Much. Porn.
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