Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
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I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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