ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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