i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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