hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
